I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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