Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
