Already got asked if we're dating
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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