Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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