I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
