I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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