In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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