I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
