grandma shit on top of the toilet
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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