I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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