There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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