There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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