I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
