We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
