So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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