kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
