Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
