You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
