what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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