Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
