clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
this is an emotional support booty call
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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