I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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