speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
