His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
