I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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