went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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