you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
