Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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