Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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