Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I did not marry a roomba.
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