She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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