I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
