Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
