I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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