Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
