Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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