the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
