my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
