He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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