Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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