Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
