You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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