either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
