people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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