the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
