I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
