After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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