I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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