When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
we should paint friendship bongs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
