his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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