what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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