you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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