I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
