I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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