we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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